When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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