i used baking grease as lip gloss
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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