God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
