Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
