Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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