ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
