i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The air taste purple.
Randomize
