how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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