He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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