Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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