That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
