apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
