dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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