We're like a lot better than the average bears
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
