Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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