Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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