There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
