when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
