I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Damn victory sex feels great
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
