Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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