my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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