I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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