my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
