He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
