He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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