He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
