Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
