at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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