Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
