Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
is that a dick in a sweater?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
