I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
