is your mom at the bar?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
