We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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