Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
