I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
did i walk over a car last night?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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