There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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