what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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