I think my fart just growled at me.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
