I'm going to jail i love you
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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