What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
