I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
