God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
