I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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