I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
