youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
