atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
