Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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