no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
