If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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