Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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