i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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