It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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