dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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