yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
