Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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