hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
