drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
