Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
