I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
